A Final Lap Angel …


I am awake, I am alive, and yet on this special day it is not my state or life I am thinking of but yours …

It took me forever to understand, probably close to a decade (as you well know). Many spoke of “past lives”, how we return to this earth again and again until all the lessons are learned. Then and only then do we graduate, moving on to Spirit World and the adventures of the next journey.

But you my girl, were special. You were one of the “Final Lap Angels”, one of those precious spirits sent here one last time, for such a short time, not to learn but to teach and I was your unwilling student.

A 20-year old mother, what did I know of love, of parenting, of cherishing a bundle so freely given? Nothing as it turns out, absolutely nothing. You wet your diaper. I changed you. Mealtime came. I fed you. Bedtime – I put you down to sleep. I did it automatically, mechanically, all the time wondering why you never cried.

And in one rare moment, I asked you to. I warned how this world would eat you up if you didn’t learn to speak up. I begged you to cry for what you needed. You smiled in return.

And then, the night I will never forget. It was past your bedtime but you wanted to play so play we did. At only two months of age, it’s not like there were many things you could do but I could make faces and you could laugh. I could nibble your little fingers and toes and you could smile and squirm, and you did. You did.

Can you fall in love in two short months? Yes, yes you can. And I did, I so did.

So, tell me honey, do you age in heaven? I pray you do. I pray you got to grow up. I pray you got to be a toddler and a child. I pray you got to dance. I pray you got to love.

Creator knew you did your job well. You graduated because you taught me to cherish the gifts that are our children and I do. I absolutely do.

But today, I take the time to remember that I am one of the lucky few, gifted a Final Lap Angel for a brief, cherished period of time. Others think of angels like you as babies stolen but I know better. You were only ever meant to stay for that brief time and you spent it with me.

Happy birthday Fallon. Mama loves you.


In memory of Fallon Lorraine Roy
Oct 8, 1984 – Dec 9, 1984