I am awake, I am alive, and although this morning I am once again calm, happy, and productive, I cannot help but reflect on the last 24 hours as I come to terms with the realization that I, like so many, am in mourning.
The wisdom was acquired innocently enough, the catalyst a literal breath of fresh air as I walked to our mail box. A chance encounter with a neighbor meant a conversation like old times albeit at a new, safer more distant … distance.
It wasn’t until I came back inside that it hit me, a sudden yet incredible weight of sadness. I couldn’t think of a reason until hours later I found myself bawling, grieving the grandchildren I want to hug, the son I want to go driving with, the daughter I want to babysit for, the friends I want to do coffee and podcasts and meetings with, the elders I want to hug.
There has been no literal loss of life in my inner circle, but I know all too well that we grieve many things on this journey, much more than the loss of a human life. Sometimes it’s the loss of a life we loved and that is what I felt so profoundly over the last 24.
In retrospect, I understand that the suddenness of the sadness is really no surprise at all. Anyone who has walked the walk knows, grieving comes in waves. Some days you are fine and others you are so not. But I have learned that to heal is to live all days without guilt. The good days should be enjoyed. The bad ones should not be denied or buried or dismissed for they too need to be experienced, so they end instead of morphing into baggage none of us needs to carry.
So today my friend, take comfort in knowing that this grief is as authentic as the isolation, for it matters little whether others have greater reasons for sadness or more legitimate reasons for grief. This IS real, whether you or others feel you should be grieving or not and denial never helps.
As for me, I know I will be fine and so will those I miss so much because I love them enough to stay away. I love them enough to miss them with every cell in my body, so they I can hug them again in the not-so-distant future.
Yes, I will be fine. I share today not for sympathy or support but rather to offer support to you my friend. If you feel the sadness, if you feel the tears trying to break free, if you feel your heart aching, know you have the right to grieve the loss of the closeness we once enjoyed with those we love. Know the time when we can once again be together will come but that right now, it’s okay to cry.
Personally, I know I’m going to cry and laugh and eat and run and work and sit-and-do-nothing as often as I need too because that is the journey of grief, and this path I know all too well.
Today Creator, help us all to love from a distance so soon we can all once again love up close.
I love you! Hugssssssss Sandi
