I am awake, I am alive and all I keep thinking is … 100 days ago.
Imagine for a moment that 100 days ago, a relationship ended. It was abusive, dangerous, threatening, the woman left fearful for her safety. In the immediate aftermath, her walls went up. She had to feel safe. She wasn’t letting anyone in.
But now a hundred days have passed. Some days she catches herself wondering if that new man she met … if he would be, if he is safe? She considers the possibility of a friendship with the woman next door. Should she assume everyone is a threat or let the one who was carry that burden? Does she soften her boundaries or stay under lockdown forever?
She wants to feel … safe. What should she do?
This pandemic is a global trauma suffered by us all, not unlike the trauma experienced in a violent relationship. For safety, to allow space and time for healing, walls and borders are erected keeping everyone out, making sure we are safe.
But after awhile (the time different for each individual) the walls themselves become unhealthy, keeping out those that do not pose a threat along with those that do. As healing progresses and fear of EVERYTHING begins to subside, those inside realize the walls are blocking everything out – threats and love, judgement and acceptance. Slowly, tentatively they begin to reconsider the walls.
Some will bring them down, when the time is right. Some will bring them down but remain on guard, prepared to throw them back up in a moment’s notice if even the smallest of threats is perceived. And some, sadly, will never bring them down. They will remain inside, blaming the past threat for their current incarceration.
It has now been 100 days since the pandemic was declared. I am not saying it is time to bring down the walls. I am not saying we should bring them down for everyone. I am saying lockdown is not the way anyone should live, not indefinitely.
As always, the task is to heal from the trauma, to learn what healthy boundaries are and to establish them, then to get on living life and I pray that is what you want to do my friend.
I pray, like me, that you want to get on with living life in a healthy way, a way that works for you.
I love you. HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Sandi
