Day 114 – He is Smiling Again …


I am awake, I am alive, and today … I remember.

It should have been a beautiful summer day in the way summer days are when you are a teenager. I was going to start my summer job today, my first “real job”. I was growing up and I LOVED it but Creator had other plans for my day.

I woke to her screaming at the end of my bed, Mom’s face contorted in a way I had never seen before. She was screaming that she couldn’t wake Dad up. She was begging me to try so I ran. I ran down what seemed like the longest stairs through the longest hallway to my parent’s room. I didn’t want to find whatever was waiting for me but I knew Mom needed me to so I ran until … I saw him.

He was laying in bed, on his back, so peaceful. It was as if he was sleeping, just as I had seen him do a hundred times before but he … he was so damn white. And then I heard her scream again, “Don’t touch him! DON’T TOUCH HIM!”

Because you see, even in her absolute grief she was my Mom, a mom who didn’t want my last memory of the man I adored to be an ice cold touch.

The passing of my father on that horrid day sent me on a spiral of epic proportions. After all, he was the one who had believed in me – my rock, my biggest fan. He was my fuel so I did what i thought I needed to do – I set out to find someone. I needed someone, you see. Someone, anyone to believe in me.

It would take decades before I finally came to learn that I could be that someone, that I could be my cheerleader and that in fact, I had to be.

But I did eventually learn. So now, even on this day, I can smile as only a father’s daughter can because now I know he is finally smiling again. These days he is grinning from ear-to-ear as he listens to the things I now say to myself, the same things he would say with gusto over and over and over and it is good, real good.

Thirty-nine years ago you left Dad and yet I can still hear your laugh. And yes, I still miss you even as I thank Creator every day for having the chance to be your “little lump of sugar”.

Today my friend, cherish those you love because sometimes there is no warning. Sometimes they are just gone and we are left with only memories. Thank gawd memories are strong enough to fill a lifetime.

I love you my friend. HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rest in peace Daddy.
I love you!


Leo Ernest Boucher
June 11, 1913 – July 6, 1981