I am awake, I am alive, and this morning I am reminded that kindness works in so many situations, including assisting me through my own grief.

It isn’t easy. I won’t pretend it is. I still despise mornings that insist on beginning, even though there is a distinct absence of hunger-driven meows demanding attention. I still find going to bed extremely difficult now that there is no longer any need to announce to my furry companion that it’s “beddy byes time”. Every inch of this house is missing furball antics as I envision her hiding here, sleeping there, and scampering from that place to this at breakneck speed.

But the world goes on, whether we grieve or not (that I learned many years ago). So yesterday, I worked some and cried some, being kind enough to honour whatever my spirit needed in the moment. I didn’t demand of myself nor did I deny myself the things I did feel up to doing. I just … walked through the process as I no doubt will do again today.

So this is me, in that strange place yet again, where I am thankful for a lockdown that brought my insane travel commitments to an end, a lockdown that has cost so many so much. But for me, it meant that I got to spend every second of every day with Oreo during what would become her last year and I am thankful she chose to hang super close during those times – napping on my adding machine, leaping into videos, attempting to sit on my keyboard, and evenings curled in my lap. How often she was so close is why this time is so difficult but how often she was so close is also why I am blessed to have known her.

So the journey continues. Today will involve work and conversations and tears in whatever allotments are required. After all, we do not dictate the speed or the ingredients required to heal, we must simply go through it (that I learned a long time ago too).

So this is me … loving you, thanking you for spending mornings with me because at least that hasn’t changed. And right now, I cherish the things that haven’t changed because so much has.
 

I love you! HUGSSSSSSSSS
Sandi

#ibelieveinyou #ibelieveinme #celebrateandsurvive #repairingfeathers