Day 37 – Me … Always
I am awake, I am alive, and it’s funny (not funny) when I think about it …
That the last guy I dated was the only guy to have ever dated ME. (And sadly, I think many women will know exactly what I mean by that.)
Truth be told, for the largest portion of my adult life, I have so longed for a relationship that I would quickly (although most often unconsciously) morph into whatever form of woman my partner wanted me to be.
“You talk too much” would render me silent much more often than would be my norm.
“Don’t you ever cook?” would have me grabbing recipes online and digging out old cookbooks.
Adamantly disagreeing with me on a topic would often result in me changing my view on this or that (at least in front on him) and on and on and on it goes.
Then came this transitional period where I became ME as long as I was single. I discovered what I like and don’t like, my views on this or that, and what I believed in. I began to first enjoy and then love the woman I am … at least until I started dating someone and old tapes began playing and I disappeared again.
But not this last time because this time I found a) a man who has his own busy life and interests and b) a man who LOVED that I stood for things. He genuinely liked my passion, my success, and therefore, who I am. c) a man who didn’t allow me space to be me, he understood that my space wasn’t up for debate! And we did debate but I added to his knowledge as often as he added to mine and it was good, real good.
But when I think back to other relationships, other men, I feel sad that they never got to know me. But then, truth be told, many of them didn’t want to. They wanted a version of me moulded by them.
And I just don’t play that game anymore.
So this is me, Sandi … always. Single or together, alone or in a group, just me, authentically flawed yet beautiful nevertheless.
Just like you my friend. And I do pray you realize just that.
I love you!
#ibelieveinyou #ibelieveinme #celebrateandsurvive #repairingfeathers